19.07.2006, 12:30 am

"I intend to live forever - so far, so good."

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Preface: Jess, that's not my LJ name! I added you. My usericon looks like a deranged anime character.

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So a week or two ago, someone said to me: "I saw you in this month's People magazine." I went to the grocery store that day and flipped through the magazines. Sure enough, there was an article about me and a picture of me, but it was not in People. It was in Teen People. Ah. I was pretty jazzed about it, because really, who else do YOU know who's been featured in an article in a nationally-distributed magazine with millions of readers? I mean, my face was 50% of the page, and I was QUOTED. However, others with whom I shared this sudden news were not particularly impressed. On Easter Sunday, in April, I was featured in an article in the New York Times, and the novelty of the national print "stardom" had since worn off.

I have a digital picture of the NYT article, but not Teen People. I actually mounted and framed the former, but the latter was purchased and then stuck in a drawer.


the editor falsely attributes my image, creating more hilarity

I posted some videos online in March, and they became hugely popular in a very short period of time. I woke up to hundreds of emails, 50,000 video views in one day, and everything from wedding proposals to death threats and beyond. It was crazy. I won't go into explaining the videos because it's a total pain in the ass, but basically they were supposed to be an inside joke between a couple of friends and I who are now forced to communicate solely on the internet. They "caught on" and the rest is history.

Multiple journalists attempted to contact me to write stories (which is weird, they actually had the decency to do such a thing) and we had some squabbles. I, with my natural skepticism and jaded sarcasm, and they with their stuffy, over-inflated egos.

One writes: "Hey there pizzelle. My name is NYT author and I am working on a story for the New York Times on the Nornna phenomenon. I was hoping I could ask you a few questions, since you are the "winner" at Nornna. Is there a time we could arrange to speak today or tomorrow?

Best,

NYT writer"

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I reply: "lol NY Times, ok dude. Sure I'll call you, then next thing I know we're in the back seat of your car behind a McDonald's and you claim that you 'forgot' the rubbers but it's okay because you've 'had a vasectomy' and your case of scabies has 'cleared up'.

The Wall Street Journal would've been a better line."

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He says: "Hey, Pizzelle. That's pretty funny. I don't have a car, so I can pretty much assure you that none of that will happen. I live in NYC and no one really has cars here. And, actually, I have written for the Journal but this story is for the NYT arts & leisure section.

I was trying to figure out how to convince you that this request is legitimate and I can't really. If you want you can read my most recent article in Time Out New York. It's a bit silly, though, because it's about "enhanced" water. [link]

Well, I hope you'll change your mind. My questions will be pretty simple, and if you prefer we can conduct them over email.

Best, Writer"

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To which I responded: "Okay buddy, I'll go along with your story. Email me the questions. Any man who writes about enhanced water is free to ask me anything he likes."


After which he sent me the questions which I ultimately decided not to answer. I thought, hey. I'm not going to fall for some devious little fucker's tricks and end up looking like a chump. Then I get another email from a supposed NYT writer.


He writes, in part: "I'm writing a story for this coming Sunday (April 16) and would love to hear your thoughts. I'm sending this request to a lot of people, but am especially interested in hearing from you because I thought your video of all the other people watching Noorna was funny and interesting. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how a "phenomenon" can crop up like this overnight."

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I reply, in addition to accusations of his username not matching up with his supposed real name, but also in part: "I think you need a better hobby than trying to scam people on the interwebs."

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He gets pissy: "Your skepticism is perhaps understandable, but unfounded, and your line about "scamming" is awfully presumptuous, and insulting. In fact, my first name is Stephen, my byline is Alex (middle name I've always gone by). Take it up with my parents. A simple Google search, as I suggested, would have cleared up any confusion. You'll see dozens of my stories.

Turns out I was scooped by my own paper. See Sunday's Arts and Leisure section."


I didn't respond to that message, partly because I didn't feel like massaging his bruised ego, but also because I was a little taken aback by the fact that the first "writer" really WAS a writer, and he really WAS doing an article for the NYT. I re-read my messages to him and LOL'd until I almost wet myself. Scandalous! Turns out I remained in the article, but a sidenote indicated I "declined the interview." LOL WHOOPS

I was also overwhelmed by the 349034b other messages from users saying nice things like: "Now that the NY Times has made you famous to millions who might otherwise have missed you altogether. it's become difficult to watch some of your videos (must be all the NY Times readers sucking up the bandwidth) ;-)" as well as weird ass things like: "omg seriously i laffed my ass off when you were talking about yourclass in your car especially at the end you are so funni just thought i would share that with you and also im sure youknow this but you where in teen people i just got tha issue today and thats how i found you

welll

ttyl

signed

fan

Riki"

Lol. I had "fans". I got offers for film projects and requests for "shout outs" and advertisements, and I couldn't stand so much attention. Seriously. I removed my videos, disabled commenting and stopped using the site. I put a couple of the videos back up, but not the ones that were popular. I won't put them up again, either. I would rather not make vblogs at all than get constant spam because of them. This is why I originally didn't want to do the interviews, and when I did I gave false information so no one could actually find me. (sounds paranoid, but you should hear some of the bad shit) I didn't even want pictures submitted, they had to screencap the videos I managed to leave up.

Since I stopped, one of my fellow vbloggers was offered a contract by Carson Daly for MTV doing shorts, and another was offered a job editing. I wonder what may have happened if I'd kept going, but I don't regret it. It was pretty dumbass. All those people out there who accomplish great things...and then there's me. Fuck it.

Eventually people got the picture and my subscriptions all dropped, hardly anyone continued to keep up with my videos, the spoof videos stopped, and then I was forgotten. Left as quickly as it came. Hence...yeah, imagine trying to tell all this (on top of the video content, which I didn't even GET INTO in this entry) to someone who sees the articles hanging on your wall. Kind of a good conversation piece...if I can figure out how to tell it in a coherent fashion in under an hour. Maybe by the time I die.

So that's my crazy story I can't really share with people. Except YOU GUYS, my captive audience!

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