12.10.2006, 4:10 am
I have been feeling miserable. Absolutely gross and atrocious. Ughh. Nasty. Terrible. Terrifically awful. UGHHH.
I am generally not a Bach fan. I dislike Bach's music almost as much as I dislike Mozart. Yes, I know that makes me sound like an uncultured fuck, but I seriously can't help it. I have TRIED. Amadeus is one of my most favorite films of all time. Mozart's story is one of the most incredible stories of all time. However, his music has never once touched me. Like...ever. Never ever. Beethoven touches me in every conceivable way through his music. Pleasure, suffering, remembrance, hope, fear, security, peace, distress... I wrote Bach off a long time ago, believing his music to be even more ancient and thus even more inappropriate to my life. I had heard his Brandenburg Concertos before, but today I heard the first movement of #6 for the first time in quite a while. I was sitting by myself on campus and it came on my iPod. I cannot adequately put into words how it made me feel.
I was so ignorant and so wrong. The reason I did not love Bach when I heard him at first was not that his music lacked any passion. Quite the exact opposite...it was myself who was lacking in passion.
I increased the volume to near maximum level and left it on repeat for the remainder of the day. I am having an atrocious time of it, but Bach's Brandenburg Concerto #6 in B Flat, BWV 1051 Allegro makes me feel like life couldn't possibly be any other way. And that's a good thing. Wherever we move we all move together. However we grow, we are all growing together. I do not feel scared now. I just feel tired.
