07.11.2006, 2:21 am
My Abnormal professor protects all of his lectures so you can't print them off. I am grateful we can have access to them at all...but the fact that we can't print them slightly irritates me.
I don't do "all-nighters" now, but I do very, very late-nighters. I go out and buy shit like oatmeal creme pies, Whoppers, Cheetos, etc. and everytime I start to get tired I pump myself full of something. Then I'm on a high...then I crash, then I repeat. Tonight is such a night. Abnormal is tomorrow and I haven't really studied for the exam. I honestly do not enjoy school that much. I do not thrive in an academic environment as the pupil. My entire life is multiple choice. I hate that. I would never want to subject my students to that, so I don't see why the fuck I have to be subjected. One of my friends came to the last exam without studying (or so she claimed) and spent the night before drinking vodka. I know this to be true because her roommate is also in the class with us and verified it. She showed up with a hangover. She got the SECOND HIGHEST GRADE IN THE CLASS.
I asked her if she ever gets nervous, she said no. "I used to get nervous all the time, but then I realized I just needed to relax and now I do much better." ...
Every other day I consider giving up and dropping out. I am not as appreciative and thankful as I should be, obviously. I have been pushing myself on for three years now and that's a LONG TIME considering how long I was out of commission. I would like to take time off of school, but I can't. I have to move right into graduate school. I should be grateful, but...I'm not. This is all a means to an end. I do not enjoy the journey. That's just who I am.
Which leads me to the point that I will be missing a day of classes next week to camp out in Richmond for a PS3. Not for myself, because I don't want some fucking first generation console for $600+ $60/game (wtfff) but I am going to sell a bundle on Ebay for double the cost. I want to make at least $6-700 on it and put the money away for grad school.
I honestly feel like being here is so fucking exhausting and trying and I do not like it. If you gave me the choice I wouldn't leave, but I don't like staying either. Not a very happy time.
My dad got his prostate out this week, and the doctors believe they got all of his cancer. So that's...good news. Unfortunately he still has Parkinson's. Can't excise that. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
I am getting my annual tumor exam over Thanksgiving break. Bad because I.......have a tumor, but good because when I was there last I told my radiologist that I was trying to get into UVA. He went to UVA. I feel like I need that external "you made the right choice" validation right now. Because I'm severely lacking internally. I have also been having some heart problems and made an appointment with a cardiologist. I decided to get some blood work done also. I am not very healthy. I guess I need a doctor to tell me that.
staying up late and eating oatmeal creme pies, Whoppers, and Cheetos ------> not very healthy
Our honeymoon is coming up starting December 16th. God...that will be so amazing. 1/6 of this over. Or should I say 1/4 of the nightmare, being that my undergrad work is what's kicking my balls.
I think I just threw up in my mouth. I did.
