04.12.2006, 4:27 am
When people ask me how I'm doing I tell them I "don't know", and I don't, but furthermore I have no idea what that even means. I've said before that I feel like I'm living someone else's life, and now I feel like I can't keep up. It's 4:28 a.m. and I'm not going to sleep. I just don't feel like it.
I've pretty much known that one of my good friends at UVA is gay for...forever...but I guess he unofficially "came out" rather recently. He mildly hooked up with another guy for the first time ever over the weekend and I was so incredibly happy for it. I loved hearing him talk about it just because I knew it was probably an amazing experience for him. He hooked up with one of the popular UVA gays who basically stripped to nearly-nude when my friend wasn't looking and then *SURPRISE* gay guy wantin' your dick! They were both very underage and both very irresponsibly drunk, and somehow my friend stroked the guy's dick and they rolled off the bed...and eventually my friend decided this random hookup shit wasn't right for his first time. So he got up and left. Unfortunately it seems he hurt the pride of the popular UVA gay and he's spreading rumors that my friend...on his very first time with a guy (and this guy, of all guys) was overly aggressive and pressured the guy to the point of rape or borderline rape. And my friend never even untucked his shirt! The popular UVA gay is also threatening my friend with MEDICAL BILLS for the physical injuries he sustained as a result of the attack...from rolling off the bed! Now my friend is scared, depressed to tears, hates his life and wants to leave. I feel terribly for him.
I am going on my honeymoon in 2 weeks. :)
I honestly don't like it here very much. In fact I hate it. I hate Bodo's. I hate the corner. I hate the White Spot. I hate Bonnycastle. I hate Al Groh. I hate the crosswalks. I hate the sundresses and pearls. I hate the busted up sidewalks. I hate the MUD AROUND THE SIDEWALKS. I hate the grading scales. I hate the fact that people don't use the bike racks. I hate the cost of textbooks. I hate the COD. I hate the online waitlist system. I hate both of my majors. I hate the fat fucking cafeteria bitches. I hate the smell of the student health center. I hate Thomas Jefferson and his black slave lovers. I hate the servers. I hate the weather. I hate the FUCKING RED AND WHITE STRIPED WOODEN BARS FOR TRAFFIC REGULATION THAT GET BROKEN EVERY FUCKING DAY AND YET...NO ONE DOES ANYTHING.
I went to the cardiologist because I was having difficulty with exercise. AWESOME I have a heart abnormality. My father got his cancer removed. I got into a very heated argument with someone about whether or not Parkinson's is terminal. (IT'S FUCKING NOT) They told me they "hoped" I had a family member with Parkinson's so I could see how non-terminal it is, and I told them my fucking father has it and we both think that spreading such misinformation actually does a disservice to Parkinson's patients everywhere. Parkinson's patients have no shorter life span than non-Parkinson's patients. Fucking IGNORANCE. DIE
I was in one of my lectures and this guy came in and sat one seat over from me. I've had a crush on this guy from the first day of class (out of about 340 people, so he definitely stood out) and chose not to will myself over it. When he sat next to me I got very excited because I really wanted to talk with him and flirt obnoxiously with him, but he was very quiet and stared right at his laptop without moving his attention. I decided he must be too busy for that sort of shit. Then one of my good friends comes in late and sits between us...and SUDDENLY he is loquacious and overly friendly. I felt like the hot girl's fat, droll friend. This girl is beautiful. I wanted to punch her in the fucking head. Yeah I am married but I am still a woman, and I still want to feel like I'm not 47 years old and bald. I feel that way regardless.
Jim and I are very happy together. We've become much closer since moving here, and also mildly more dysfunctional. We have become incredibly physical and even more loud. Sometimes we wrestle to the point of punching each other and then walk around with excessive bruising. I know, it sounds fucked up, but it relieves all tensions. Our diets, our sleep schedules, our sex life, our time spent together is all so chaotic and rare that our frustrations manifest in strange ways. Some of those ways include punches to the throat or kicks to the tumor/balls.
Overall shit is decent...but kind of fucked up, and finals are no different. I'm not flunking anything and I'm certain to get at least Cs-Bs with minimal effort, but I feel crappy. Cs-Bs are crappy grades. I hate grades. I have to take 20 credits next semester in order to graduate on time. I don't like being in college.
I can't wait for 2009.
