04.06.2007, 1:23 am
I see everything. I feel everything. Every sound ever made floats past me and tells me secrets of other people's stories, and the pressure of their motion bears down on me from every direction. I absorb every temperature at my surface, and every scent, and every sight reflects off of me and back onto you. As you look into me, you will see the world, but you will never see inside my mind.
I am filled with the fruit of thought and remembrance, but it ages and spoils and falls without ever being tasted. I am filled with light, and though you shall be guided by it, I find myself blinded and lost. I take hold of hope, but only so long as to taste it and never be quenched. I question whether or not whatever I'm feeling is genuine, or mimicry, or whether or not it will completely destroy me. I trust myself even less than I trust those around me.
Is it better to not be sad and to feel nothing, or is it better to be sad and feel everything? I am afraid that I will live a life with heightened sensitivity toward all things negative, toward all painful memories and realizations of paths I didn't take. I'm afraid that when I look back on myself I will see someone I dislike, someone I do not recognize because I will see someone with even the semblance of hope. I'm afraid that when I see my words in the future I will remark with regret that I was correct all along and never vindicated.
I wish that, when the earth is growing over me, the world will look back and I will see myself reflected in it.
