06.06.2007, 4:47 pm
I have no fucking excuse today to not go to the gym. NO ONE that I know is in town today. Not a single soul. I have no household chores to do, no errands to run, and no dinner to cook. No classes. No one apparently wants my beautiful aura hovering around their place of business. I did not think before today that it was possible for me to truly be bored. I was wrong!
I haven't gone to the gym in a few weeks, after going for an hour and a half every day for three months. It feels kind of weird, but I now realize the amazing power of sitting on your ass. It's so much easier. Holy shit. I forgot the taste of a sedentary lifestyle and now I am again addicted. I have been so lazy for the past week that it's almost driving me crazy. Charlottesville is empty, I have absolutely nothing to do with myself except purely physical shit like my nails, working on my tan, and apparently...going to the gym. Not to disparage the exercise, of course, but it can feel quite empty when you're exercising in a lonely vaccuum.
So I will go put my shoes and sweatpants on and get a bottle of water and my iPod and go to the AFC and use the elliptical for an hour and a half. I hate the AFC. It's the largest gym on campus and it's the place where people go to work out and be seen. You know, the muscleheads will do some reps and then walk around in circles in front of the women on the treadmills who are a captive audience. The sluts who fuck the muscleheads style their hair and apply makeup before getting on the aforementioned treadmills. Everyone is constantly checking everyone else out, and really, they're all happy because they get to see and be seen. I hate that shit.
I like Slaughter, which is a totally different gym, and perfect for ugly fatties with no self-esteem. No one cares what you look like because it's just assumed that if you're at Slaughter then you must be gross. That's where the aspiring muscleheads go before their coronations as King Asshole where they will have a long and fruitful reign over a girl's vagina, and that's where the tragic co-eds suffering from a cornucopia of eating disorders go on the days when they slip up and eat a grape. That's where the creatures, mutants, trogs and dogfaces go to try and reverse their ugliness. If the University of Virginia were a kingdom then Slaughter would be the gym under the bridge that even the bridge trolls are too physically attractive to work out at. If UVA were the world during the early 1940s then Slaughter would be Warsaw. That's how miserable it is. If UVA were a platter of food at a conference then Slaughter would be the mini sandwich that some guy took to the bathroom, dismantled, used the lunch meat to dab his oozing rectum, reassembled and placed back on the platter, but not before exfoliating his ass with the sesame seed bun.
And yes, those are my people, but Slaughter is closed for the summer. So it's off to the AFC I go. :(
